I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
