Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
