I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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