I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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