dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
