Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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