this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
