I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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