Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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