Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
