so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
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I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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