OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
