is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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