When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
