If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
