She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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