if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
