Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
