Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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