Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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