the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
