I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
