He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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