what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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