all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
