Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
