i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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