Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
