Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
