Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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