god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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