Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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