Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
