I hate your face
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid