i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
