I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
