The beer is more important than you right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
