You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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