I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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