At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
