Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
