I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
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I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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