the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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