you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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