i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
