Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
