i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
