I skipped work to stalk him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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