YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
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