The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
