I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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