if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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