Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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