the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
