I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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