A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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