My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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