Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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