I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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