For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Randomize
