Umm I'm too high to move.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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