party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
