he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
