He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
