my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
