I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
