is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
