there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
ok first of all what the fuck
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
