i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
