I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
