some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
