Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
