You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
