Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
