She's JV to your varsity
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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