god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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