I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
