Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
