He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
