What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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